The first time I held you in my arms, my eyes were filled with tears, and my heart was filled with love. I never believed in love at first sight until I saw you. My motherly instincts kicked in instantly, and I became an overprotective mama bear. The doctor took you away for a few minutes to get some tests done, and at that moment, I felt that a piece of me had been taken away. It was at that moment that I knew that you will always be a part of me, no matter how much you grow up.
I remember vividly the day I brought you home, carrying you with my very two arms. You were only the size of my forearm, and I couldn’t believe that you lived inside me for nine whole months. I wrapped you in my arms and swaddled you with the clothes I had bought for you when I was preparing to welcome you into my world, my life.
The first time you cried, I cried too. I couldn’t bear to hear those tiny screams, and I thought I’d failed you. Every time you fell asleep, I would watch you drift away into your dreamy world. I wished I could be with you protecting you even in your dreams. The first time I saw you smile in your sleep, my heart skipped a beat. You were the most beautiful little angel that I had ever seen.
I had so many firsts with you, and every one of them was a moment that has etched a memory in my heart that will last forever. Your first word, the first time you crawled, your first step, and the first time you were given an injection. Oh, dear baby, it hurt me, maybe even more than it hurt you. Your first birthday was special; I couldn’t believe my baby turned one. The first time I dropped you off at school, I prayed that you were safe and happy because it felt like I was leaving a piece of me, and trust me, I didn’t want to. I experienced many more firsts with you; the first time you lost a tooth, your first fancy dress competition, and your first swimming lesson. With every moment that I experienced, the fear that amassed me was that you were growing up, and I wasn’t ready to accept that. But I made my peace with it because you still needed me. Until you didn’t.
You’re a teen now, and things are different. I used to be your best friend, but now I know you don’t want your mother around. I know you want to feel like a grown-up and handle everything on your own. You shut me off and stopped talking to me. You rebel at everything I say and are always giving me the last straw. All you want is your friends, and you’re embarrassed to be seen with me.
I understand your need for space. But my dear child, you need to let me in, even if it’s just a little. I worry a lot about you. I know how unkind the world can be, and I want to protect you from it, just like I did all these years. But you’re a teenager now, and you don’t want me around. You say you don’t need my protection and concern, but on days you feel alone, turn to me and let me comfort you. I want you to know that I’ll always be there for you. You might not need me right now, but I need you because you’re still my baby, no matter how much you grow up.
You’ll always be a part of me, and I wish you would stop freezing me out. Lean on me and let me help you through the most challenging years of your life. Because my precious little one, you’re the apple of my eye, and I only want the best for you.
Your Mom Who Misses You